I'm having one of those days. My child is completely unreasonable and disobedient, and also he's almost two. Could you tell? Everyone at Chili's today could. Judah and I went to meet Sarah there for lunch today. We'd had a pretty good morning, going grocery shopping and then to Borders so that I could pick up the brand new fourth book in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series (and no, I'm not ashamed to admit that I still get excited about the teen lit section). Then we spent a while sitting on the floor in the children's section reading about trains and motorcycles, which was fun. So I thought lunch would be fine, like it usually is. No way. Judah started off okay, hanging out pretty quietly and eating goldfish. But then I ran out of goldfish, and the universe went horribly wrong. Jude was whining and throwing things and being totally impossible until I finally had to take him out and have Sarah stay in there to pay the bill and then meet us outside. When she came out Judah was still being crazy, so I had to say goodbye to her over his wails.
On the way to my car we passed a girl who was probably about 23. She had on a cute black skirt and pink shirt, nice shoes, and she smelled good. And then I thought sadly: that used to be me. I used to have time and will to coordinate outfits, wash my hair, put on nylons, do my makeup while standing still, and then carefully select a perfume or a nice-smelling lotion for the day. All on the same day! Now there are some days when I get to do one or two of those things, but NEVER all. I sat in my car on the way home and realized I'd become HER. The mom lady I never wanted to be, the one who always has frazzled messy hair, an outfit at least three years out of date, and never stops sweating. The one who just wiped her baby's snotty nose with a spare diaper because she forgot (again) to grab any kleenex on her way out. The one who wears her stress all over her face. The one whose child hasn't taken a real nap in three days and even now is upstairs screaming.
I always wanted to be the mom who was patient and took everything in stride, who understood that he's just a baby and can't control much in his world so he acts out. I wanted to be so calm and in control and so wise, always assigning the right consequences to every action so that the child learns a lesson and still understands that I love him so much. Does that mom exist? Because today I'm failing at every single one of those things and I feel like I'm facing an impossible task. What are you supposed to do with two-year-olds?