"The impossible becomes possible when we relinquish control."
My family has a decidedly stubborn streak that runs through it via the Kimber blood. And I am half Kimber. My dad's side of the family I would say has the characteristic of perseverence, which is pursuing a goal until it becomes clear that it's an unreasonable goal, and then changing direction gracefully. But my mom's side of the family is just plain stubborn, which means beating our heads against a wall, sometimes even after we realize we're only hurting ourselves (and often times irritating everyone around us). Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't. But it did spawn a saying: "Where there's a Kimber there's a way." This stubbornness gets blamed on the Kimbers, but I think it may be just as much Cope, which was my grandma Kimber's family. Anyway, like I said, sometimes it's a good thing. Over the years I've seen amazing things happen because of stubborn people. My grandparents' ramshackle old house stayed standing as long as it did simply because they WILLED it to stand, I think. My grandpa drove himself to the hospital while he was having a major heart attack because he was too stubborn to call 911. And my mom and I have the ability to make things appear because we refuse to stop looking for them until they do. Or else we substitute. Cleverly. :)
However, when it comes to the heart, being stubborn is probably the worst thing that can happen. And I've been stubborn. Over the last couple of weeks I've been hanging on to anger and my own wrong feelings. I know that I need to let go, but I haven't been able to so far. I can't go into details about the situation, but it's bad. I've been trying to pray the right way, but it's hard when I know my heart's not right. Nathan promises me that my prayers aren't bouncing off the ceiling because I can't feel what I'm asking for, though. And then came church this morning. The entire service was like God telling me to shape up and change my attitude. But, as always, He didn't scream it at me. He just showed me. And promised help, so I don't have to try to do it alone. We started out by singing a choir anthem called "Create in Me, Oh God, A Pure Heart." Then we sang "Spirit of God Descend Upon My Heart." Then our pastor, Ed Morsey, gave a sermon from Romans. And then we took communion, which is a somewhat unusual occurence since I go to a Friends church. By the end of the service I was quite clear on what I should be doing. And I hope I can do it.
Teach me to feel that thou art always nigh;
Teach me the struggles of the soul to bear.
To check the rising doubt, the rebel sigh,
Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.