We do so have seasons here! They're just....different.

A lot of places have seasons like summer, winter, fall, and spring. But that's boring. You can find that anywhere. Here in Southern California our seasons are a little different. And to make things even more interesting, they don't happen in the same order every year. Some of them don't even happen every year. And some of them happen many times a year. Here are some of the seasons we have in SoCal, and approximately when they happen:

Summer: March 1st through December 31st. Temperatures are high and it's almost always sunny. Any day is a good beach day.

Slightly cooler summer: January 2nd through February 28th (February 29th is up for grabs). Temperatures are a little bit lower than normal summer, and sometimes we get a couple drops of rain, but it's usually sunny and clear.

January 1st: Weather can be clear or cloudy, but it never EVER rains on January 1st. There have been only three exceptions to this season in the last 117 years.

El Nino season: Happens once every few years, and has no set pattern, regardless of what people try to tell you. There are floods and storms of Biblical proportions, and most houses in Laguna and Malibu are destroyed by landslides. Again.

Earthquake season: Can happen at any time during the year, usually only for one day at a time. Characterized by high temperatures, overcast skies, still air, and an eerie silence. Only people who don't live here say that you can't predict earthquakes. We know better.

Santa Ana season: September through November, but can happen any time. Santa Anas are strong winds that blow over trash cans and pile 2 inches of dust on your car. During a Santa Ana you can't see LA, even if you're standing in the center of it.

Fire season: May through December, but also whenever. The area is composed entirely of dead brush, so the whole thing catches on fire for no reason (arsonists) every couple years. Or a couple times every year. All the houses in Malibu and Laguna that survived El Nino burn down during fire season.

See how exciting it is here? Who needs colorful leaves and snow when we have fires and floods? It's like a little tiny apocalypse right in your own backyard.

This post has been brought to you by the Sierra Fire, currently burning a few miles away in Anaheim Hills. It's a doozy. Who's got the s'mores? I'm just kidding about that. That was rude.